What's wrong with using their name?

[allana]

Okay. We write RPS. We're already considered the lowest of the low in some eyes. Do we really need to compound matters by using sloppy writing habits?

I'll concede that some readers may read a Metallica slash fic without much idea of what characters look like, but in a multi-chapter story you don't need to continually give descriptions of the characters looks or their role in the band. I can just about deal with it in chapter one, but when it persists to the end of chapter two... I get somewhat cranky. Which means, dear crap-author, that you can dispense with shit like this:

James turned and looked down into the almost black eyes staring back at him. "Show you. I can do that." He leaned down and pressed his lips against the dark-skinned man's gently.

A few lines later "dark-skinned man" is repeated. Personally, I've never found Kirk to be that dark skinned, but that's probably just me. Throughout this fic, it's peppered with "the tall man", "the guitarist", "the small drummer" and so forth. You could halve instances of this jarring nonsense by actually using the characters names. Why do people hate using character names so much? Outside of dialogue, there's nothing wrong with it. (My problems with names in dialogue are this: I don't know anyone who continually uses their significant other's name when talking with them.)

Also, madandy pointed me towards this gem: The noble profile upturned, long eyelashes covering the light blue eyes, and golden mane flowing next to his toned arms, newly bronzed by the Florida sun. Noble profile, eh? In a rockstar? It sounds more like a sodding lion.

This rant was brought to you by some bad chocolate beer, which didn't have even the vaguest hint of chocolate in taste or aroma. I suspect a bar of chocolate was simply waved past a vat of beer....

Comments

[screwthedaisies.livejournal.com]

I haven't found a chocolate beer I've liked, and James doesn't have a noble profile.

WORD on the epithets rant.

[glam-ang.livejournal.com]

Epithets! That was the word I was looking for.

I actually think that gem was about Robert Plant--on Andy's advice, I didn't read the story since my blood-pressure was already up :P But yes, James doesn't have a noble profile either.

[screwthedaisies.livejournal.com]

Ah.

Well, between the two, Robert does have the more noble profile.... But it's still not noble.

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

That might explain the whole lion imagery... But, from what I've read, equating Robert with a lion is usually done by people who wanna mock him.

[chickenpattysan.livejournal.com]

Amen.

I hate reading that stuff over and over. I once read a fic where Izzy Stradlin' was referred to as a "hoosier" and "Indiana transplant."

For the love of God, people.

[glam-ang.livejournal.com]

What on earth is a "hoosier"?

[chickenpattysan.livejournal.com]

In short, it's a nickname for an Indiana native. http://www.indiana.edu/~alumni/fun/hoosier.html#art

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

I don't mind one or tow, "the drummer" or "the blond" and all that kind'a stuff. But it does boil me when it just goes on and on and on. This is that Kirk with Cancer story, right? Ugh. One prime example of overdoing it.

And I don't know anyone who uses people's names when they talk, either. They might use it to get your attention ["Hey, Joe, what ever happened to those old polka dot socks...?"], but they sure won't go on with: "That's right, Joe, the dog are 'em. That's too bad, Joe." It's just unnatural, almost as if the speaker's mad at you.

Chocolate beer...? [hearty blinking]

[glam-ang.livejournal.com]

One or two is fine... but this was all the way through. (And yes, this was the Kirk with Cancer story. I could rant about it all fucking day for lots of reasons.)

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

I hadn't gone into Rockfic when I read this post, but I just peeked in and voila: The story has been updated. You should mark it as hidden, and spare yourself more of that nonsense [said the fan of the drummer, pushing aside shoulder-length brown hair].

Have you roasted it over at lj comm=crap_rpfic? Warn others.

[kraftpistole.livejournal.com]

Mucked up that LJ tag but good, didn't I...? Let's see: crap_rpfic.

[glam-ang.livejournal.com]

It has, which prompted my rant :) I always read her work, and pray that it's improved, but thus far I haven't had any luck with that.

I'll spork it over at crap_rpfic when it's marked complete. I'm also narked that she's finished the story, but she's spinning it out to one chapter a week presumably to try to get more reviews.

[feelforfaith.livejournal.com]

I'm looking forward to the sporking :).

I don't mind if people post in chapters even though the story is finished, when it's, say, a chapter a day, but not a chapter a week.

[glammetalkitten.livejournal.com]

Damn you, because now I have to go and take a look for myself at this fic. Such a sucker for punishment...

[feelforfaith.livejournal.com]

Extensive use of epithets (by extensive I mean more than twice in a story) always makes me think of an orgy:

The singer pulled Kirk's body toward him and kissed the guitarist's lips while the dark-skinned man wrapped his arms around James.

So how many of them are going at it here? :D


And if I ever see "tiny drummer" I may scream.

[glam-ang.livejournal.com]

Hee! It could be two, or it could be five!

Um. I've seen "tiny drummer" before--in one of Kate Marie's stories. I'd point you to it, but then I'd have to do some re-reading. Plus, you'd scream.

[feelforfaith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I meant if I ever see it again :).

[silentinflames.livejournal.com]

Chocolate beer? *gapes in shocked disbelief and pukes in the next corner*

Ehem, anyhow!

My favorite (as in least favorite) name "replacement" is the tiny drummer (makes me think of the Thumbling) and the effeminate dark-skinned guitarist.

*grabs a bucket and barfs again*.

[glam-ang.livejournal.com]

I know, I know. I was trying to find a way for me to like beer. *sigh*

the effeminate dark-skinned guitarist is just horrible. Fucking horrible. I've seen that quite a few times....

[stonefinder.livejournal.com]

Um...am guilty of using the "guitarist" epithet but only when I've already mentioned his name in the same paragraph, usually in the preceding sentence. I try to avoid it but I have this thing about over using the sames words in a paragraph and sometimes I simply can't avoid it.

*scuttles away*

[glam-ang.livejournal.com]

No need to scuttle away, Rhi! (It is Rhi, right?) I'm sure I've done it myself a couple of times... but this fic was riddled with epithets!! Riddled, I tell you!