(no subject)

[allana]

While I'm still awake (why did I drink Pepsi??), here are some fringe benefits of having a baby:

* I am now hard as nails. Pain? Does it even approach squeezing a baby out? No? Say "Ouch" and move on
* Needle phobia is a thing of the past! Remembering to inject is a different kettle of fish though
* I get muchos respect every time people ask about the birth. This cheers me up, especially when my eardrums are still ringing from Lucas screaming
* My breasts have developed their own gravitational field. Each morning I expect to wake up and find orbital bodies zinging around them. (This only counts as a benefit as it distracts 99% of people from my jelly belly.)
* I had a 9lb 7oz baby and immediately dropped 18lb after giving birth. Over the last 4-5 days I've dropped another 6lb and I'm now down to my lowest weight in well over three years! (I should point out that I gained a paltry 2lb in pregnancy. I'm weird.)

Slight side effects of having a baby:

* Swelling where you really don't want swelling (I recommend Arnica for such woes)
* Red zebra stripes on nipples
* Consistently forgetting which is left and which is right through extreme tiredness--this could make driving fun
* Eardrums ringing from horrendous screaming
* Trying to feed a hungry baby at 3am when you only just finished the last feed at 2.15am
* Being pooed on
* Being puked on
* Mistaking baby-about-to-pee for a baby erection--why else would a penis rise, I ask you?--and seeing a huge fountain of wee arc into the air and splashdown everywhere
* Constantly changing clothes and doing laundry
* Forgetting to eat
* Sleep deprivation

Comments

[glam-ang.livejournal.com]

Did you tie a bucket to him? We still have a bucket sitting in the bedroom from when I was pukey during labour. Maybe I should keep it there for the next decade? (Or two--I imagine puking will return when he discovers underage booze.)